On July 6th, Joe and I are expecting a new addition to our family. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited we are. Just looking at that ultra sound of his little profile makes me giggle uncontrollably. I have always dreamed of the day I would have a baby. Because it seemed so far away, I imagined feeling like a completely different person, but I’m the same old me and its pretty weird that this whole bringing a human into the world stuff feels so normal and natural.
I think people have a pretty lame perception of motherhood these days. When people hear the title stay-at-home mom, they assume that means a women who gave up a future or a career or a life to JUST be a mom. Or people assume mom’s are uneducated and didn’t have anything better to do so they became mothers…. Excuse me?! We’re talking about raising humans here! What is more worthwhile, difficult and important that giving a human being life and helping them learn how to best live it. Honestly I think its so sad that anyone could ever view motherhood as anything but extraordinary. I think about my mom and want to bawl my eyes out over everything that she did and continues to do for me. What a huge sacrifice! I am eternally grateful. I think of my sisters and sister-in-laws and their lives are completely devoted to the happiness, health, and teaching of their children. It takes an incredibly strong women to be a mother.
Let me also say that I did not decide to have a baby because I hated my job ( I LOVE MY JOB) and I don’t plan on completely ditching it because I have a baby. Being a mother to my future son is more important to me that teaching voice lessons, so I will make motherhood my first priority, but I want to continue learning and growing as a teacher. It makes me extremely happy and fulfilled and I think a balance of mothering and work will actually make me a better and happier mom.
I also did not decide to have a baby because I was bored. I am easily distracted (like seriously) so there are so many things I could have filled my life with. Before getting pregnant, I learned that a theater in town was doing Mary Poppins. I had been thinking about trying to have a baby, but when I heard that I thought “well maybe I’ll wait and see if I can get cast as Mary Poppins first and have a baby later.” Maybe that would be right for some people, but I felt ready to have a baby and when I considered that as the only reason to not one… I think my brain slapped itself! I immediately thought “Are you kidding me right now?! You would reconsider having a CHILD to be in a community, unpaid production that benefits no one but yourself and your own ego!” Lets just say I didn’t think that thought again!
I did decide to have a baby at a young age, 24, and with a husband finishing undergrad and soon starting grad school. We have so much ahead of us and so much to figure out, but we both feel that families are so incredibly important and we’re working hard to make sure we can give our future child/children everything that they need, but I also don’t think we need to be crazy rich to do that.
There are so many factors that led to me and Joe to decide to start “trying” to have a baby, but there is one main thing that sticks out to me. As I’ve said in previous posts, I REALLY have had strong experiences in my life that taught that God knows who I am and that He has a specific plan for me. I believe that the purpose of life is to become more like God and Jesus Christ. I also believe that God gives us specific experiences to teach us the things that He wants us to learn.
So…. Around the time that I began thinking about having a baby, I was praying about the things that I needed to be doing daily to become a better person and more like the Savior (don’t even worry, its a LOT of things!). At this point in my life I felt like I was kind of in a rut. I was doing good things- teaching voice, taking care of my husband, reading my scriptures, becoming a better teacher, etc. etc., but I just kept feeling like none of it really MATTERED in the grand scheme of things. Like if I didn’t clean our bedroom that day… we would be fine and if I didn’t teach voice that day… my students would still be happy people and so I felt a little useless.
So as I prayed about what I needed to do to be making a difference, the thought I kept having was that I needed to become more selfless. Well becoming selfless is not an overnight thing and I REALLY have a long way to go. But I looked for ways to serve people each day, I tried to be more aware of the people around me, and I tried lots of different things.. and it was hard! I felt like my realm of people to serve was too small (even though that is really silly to think, bad me) and I felt like I really wasn’t impacting like I could. In my attempts to become more selfless I admired the people in my life who are so incredibly good at it- my mom (like whoa), my sisters, my mother in law and sister in laws, and so many women in my life. It made me begin to think about why God wanted us to become mothers… and yes bringing children into the world is incredibly important, but I think the biggest reason is that it teaches US how to become more like Him. Motherhood puts us in a position to grow and to become like Christ and that’s why God created families (well one of the reasons), to help us become more like Him.
So as I thought about it and prayed about it, I felt like becoming a mother was the right step for me to take in my progression of life. I’m not saying that is the path for everyone, but I know it is the path for me. And I’m not saying being a mom is the only way to become a better person (no way!!), but I truly feel like it is the right step for me.
I don’t know why some women have a harder time than others getting pregnant or why miscarriages happen to some people and not to others, or why some women try for years to get pregnant and can’t, while others get pregnant when they aren’t ready for or wanting a child.
BUT I know what was God’s plan for ME and that was to have a baby. I also know that there are so many unexpected things ahead of me. Like so many! Hahaha starting a family is going to change my entire life and sometimes I’m gonna wonder why I didn’t just audition for Mary Poppins instead (haha). But I know that it will be more rewarding and worthwhile than anything else I could choose to do and that makes it all feel right.
So here it goes! I can’t say that I feel ready because I don’t know if there is a way to be “ready” for such uncharted territory, but I am EXCITED! I can’t wait to meet this little boy and become his momma!